I feel like I'm at such a weird point in my life, at an in-between stage. I've always felt like I had a purpose and I tried to live my life by working toward that goal. As a kid my purpose was to go to school and do my best and work toward graduating. As a young adult my purpose was to find God's will for my life, obtain a music degree, and figure out who I was supposed to marry. After getting married and having kids my purpose became more clear than ever. First of all I had to be a wife, but I also had children to care for. For many years my life was consumed with taking care of the physical needs of my children, feeding them, bathing them, keeping them clothed, taking them to the doctor when they were sick, waking them for school, making sure they got to school, making sure their homework was done, taking them to church and other activities including baseball practice, tennis lessons, soccer, gymnastics, piano, and then going to watch them perform in baseball or soccer games, piano recitals, school programs, church programs. Of course, I didn't have to do it all by myself because my husband was just as much involved in it all as I was. In all of this there was a goal we were striving to reach which was to have our children grow up to be good, law-abiding adults who would be able to leave us at some point and be independent. And now that they have both moved out it has left me wondering what my purpose is for this chapter in my life.
I no longer have to take care of children, and neither of my kids are married yet so I'm not a grandmother. My parents are doing well so I'm not having to be a care giver to them. I am in great health and without having so many responsibilities as before, I should have an abundance of time to do many things that I never had time for when I was so busy. But I honestly don't know what my purpose is right now. It's really a wonderful time in life and I feel so free, but I don't want to waste it because I know it won't last forever. New responsibilites will come later.
Right now, my life is reminding me of a water park. Water parks are great fun in the summertime with lots of different kinds of water slides, wave pools, playhouses and my favorite, the Lazy River. I feel like I've already done a lot of the water slides -- it takes some effort to climb to the top before you can actually enjoy the slide down. I feel like I've experienced the wave pools -- just doing everything you can to keep your head above water. I've had some fun along the way in the water playhouses. And now, this season of my life feels like the Lazy River -- it doesn't take much effort, you just get in and relax on a tube and float down the river as long as you feel like it. There's no climbing to reach a goal at the top, no exhilarating slide down, and no waves that feel like they are going to drown you. I'm sure at some point I am going to have to get out of my lazy river and battle some waves and climb some high steps again. But for right now, I am really enjoying my float on the Lazy River.
Church of the Small Things
1 day ago